Thank you for coming to my baby’s gender reveal party! I can’t wait to share the precious moment when I find out whether this bundle of joy I’m carrying is a little ballerina or a little truck driver. I am just so excited to talk about my future child’s genitalia with 30 of my closest friends and acquaintances!
You know me and my hubs Andy. We’re obsessed with being extra and we’re never going to settle for just an ordinary gender reveal party. We’ve had a cake prepared that’s either pink or blue, based on whether our child is a Little Man or a Little Miss. First, I will cut into the cake and show a slice. If it’s a Boy, the cake will be blue, because blue is Boy! Blue is color of Boy things, like the sky, which is where the Air Force lives. Pink is color of girl, because girl things like flowers and laundry mistake.
We’re not stopping there. After the cake, Andy is going to use a crossbow to shoot 12 wild rabbits that he bought at a store where you get food for large snakes. Each guest will then take one of the dying rabbits into her hands and look under the tail. If the dead rabbit is (was) a girl, our baby will be a little fashionista. If the rabbit has a little penis? Our lovebug will grow up to be a doctor or other type of Man!
This is a party for adults, so feel free to get a little naughty. There’s nothing that makes me feel like making fun dirty jokes then thinking about my unborn child’s Boy or Girl pubic mound! We’re going to play a twist on “pin the tail on the donkey,” and you’ll either stick penises or vaginas on a picture of my ultrasound. We’ll be using glue that’s made from either Boy or Girl racehorses. This grown-up game will be made even more fun by the fact that we will be eating gourmet ice cream cones that are either flavored like Boy (scotch with a fun spicy touch of hot sauce) or Girl (nothing). Can’t wait to meet our Little Heartbreaker or our Little Slut!
I never knew this before getting preggo, but there are a lot of rules for Girl or Boy! There are many things that are Boy. Boy is Blue, dog, numbers, fireman (even though fireman Red, it is Boy), hair (coarse), shape of ball like soccer ball, bricks, glass, buildings, car, sharp. Girl is Pink, cat, hair (soft), shape of square like purse, skin, boat, dry. I know it’s a lot to remember but look, I don’t make the rules! (The person that make the rules is Boy.)
Andy and I love our traditional gender roles. He makes the money and cuts down the trees because Boy, and I am House for baby. Andy loves to make me eat vitamins so the House will be nice for Baby. Each vitamin is like a gift I give my baby’s House! I can’t wait to see what job my baby have. If Boy, maybe Racecar Scientist, Ambulance Lifter, or Priest Batman. If Girl, only job option is House or Lesbian.
Even I don’t know what our baby is! When ultrasound technician which was weirdly Girl told Andy what gender our baby was, I told him I didn’t want to know. Andy was able to keep a stoic face when Girl Technician told him Boy or Other One! He was completely deadpan except for one tiny body language thing, where his mouth said “now our baby can’t be Blacksmith.” Andy is so good at keeping surprises! I hope our little bundle of joy looks just like him when grows up to be Ice Fisherman Man.
Thank you all for sharing this day with us. I can’t wait to start this family with my sweet Andy. We will be the perfect Dad and House. But just remember: I will love my baby no matter what, whether it decides to be Lumberjack Surgeon or just normal Umbrella Girl On Salt Container. In the end, it does not matter! Whether Boy or Girl, my baby can do anything, like wear a pant or do computer. After all, Boy or Girl, my baby still White.
Fun fact: Though being gay in the 40s sucked, being gay in the military was easier, and pretty common. There were apparently, at one point in time time so many lesbians in the military that when they tried to crack down on it, the girls wrote back and said “Look I can give you the names, but you’ll lose some of your best officers, and half your nurses and secretaries.” And they pretty much shut up about it unless you were especially bad at subtlety. (Source: Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers. A good source for gay history from 1900s onwards.)
Sergeant Phelps worked for General Eisenhower. Four decades after Eisenhower had defeated the Axis powers, Phelps recalled an extraordinary event. One day the general told her, “I’m giving you an order to ferret those lesbians out.’ We’re going to get rid of them.”
“I looked at him and then I looked at his secretary. who was standing next to me, and I said, ‘Well, sir, if the general pleases, sir, I’ll be happy to do this investigation for you. But you have to know that the first name on the list will be mine.’
“And he kind of was taken aback a bit. And then this woman standing next to me said, ‘Sir, if the general pleases, you must be aware that Sergeant Phelps’s name may be second, but mine will be first.’
“Then I looked at him, and I said, ‘Sir, you’re right. They’re lesbians in the WAC battalion. And if the general is prepared to replace all the file clerks, all the section commanders, all of the drivers—every woman in the WAC detachment—and there were about nine hundred and eighty something of us—then I’ll be happy to make the list. But I think the general should be aware that among those women are the most highly decorated women in the war. There have been no cases of illegal pregnancies. There have been no cases of AWOL. There have been no cases of misconduct. And as a matter of fact, every six months since we’ve been here, sir, the general has awarded us a commendation for meritorious service.’
“And he said, ‘Forget the order.’
- The Gay Metropolis: The Landmark History of Gay Life in America
I’ve reblogged this before but it didn’t have these comments and HOLY HOT DAMN DID IT NEED THEM.
So, when someone sits down to write a fiction about Women commandos, and a Dudebro steps in to say “Huh, that is so unrealistic huh.”
Harold… oh, Harold…sit down, shut up, and stay out of our way.
History is infinitely gayer than a lot of people want to admit <3
![thefingerfuckingfemalefury:
“ cheskamouse:
“ thedevilspanties:
“ spart117mc:
“ viridieanfey:
“ romanimp:
“ beatnikdaddio:
“admiring the stockings. 1940’s.
”
#[40S COMMERCIAL ANNOUNCER VOICE] WHAT’S BETTER THAN THIS? GALS BEING PALS
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Fun fact: Though...](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d795cabd63975ab508626fadd6bf03be/tumblr_njhiq2jrok1rab8xmo1_500.jpg)
